Acceptance: The Key to a Happy Marriage | HuffPost Life
Apr 13, Radical Acceptance is the key to making a relationship not only work but . I have discovered that Radical Acceptance is the most important. Feb 24, There is another acceptance that is helpful in relationships. you realize that loving your partner is way more important that some irritating. Aug 24, Done properly, this mindset can make all the difference in relationships, but like so many things, much easier said than done, and much more.
Once we see our spouse for who they are, flaws and all, then we can learn to accept him or her. The problem is that many of us first need to learn to accept ourselves. If we don't accept ourselves, we may find our spouse's qualities to be threatening.
For example, we may worry, "If he is gregarious, is it bad that I am shy?
Instead, we need to learn to love ourselves and be comfortable in being different from our spouse. Acceptance also takes maturity.
Acceptance: The Key to a Happy Marriage
It is the mature person who grasps that just because someone is different, that doesn't mean there is something wrong with them. For instance, just because your spouse has a different opinion than you, that doesn't mean that he or she is wrong. Facts can be right or wrong. Opinions are just that -- opinions.
My husband and I happen to have very different political views think James Carville and Mary Matalin. However, our difference of opinion is just that - a difference of opinion -- nothing more.
Neither of us expects or even wants the other person to change how they vote or how they think. And just because your spouse likes different activities than you do, that doesn't mean that person has bad taste.
They just enjoy other things.
The Need For Acceptance In Relationships
For example, my husband loves to watch professional sports. I like spending time with him, so I'll sit with him during the evenings while he is watching a game. But frankly, while I am looking at the screen, my mind is often somewhere else. Sports just don't interest me. Nevertheless, I don't need him to give up watching sports. We enjoy so many other things together that it makes little difference to me if he enjoys some things that I don't.
Once we completely accept our beautifully flawed human spouse for who they are, marriage becomes so much easier.
We don't have to agree on every last thing because it is OK to have different opinions. We don't have to feel insecure if we don't possess the same qualities as our spouse. And we don't have to enjoy all the same activities because we're different people!
Developing Acceptance Skills in a Relationship
Acceptance in marriage, however, must be mutual. If both spouses don't accept each other, they are going to be in a constant struggle. If your spouse has accepted you, but you haven't learned to accept your spouse, think long and hard about the effect of your attitude on your spouse.
It is draining to be around someone who is constantly dissatisfied with you. And it is irritating to have someone try to change who you fundamentally are. Instead of trying to change your spouse, consider growing up and changing yourself. This is not to say that all relationships are screwed up. But a lot are. If you happened to be born into a family where the parents had a loving and healthy relationship — lucky you.
I hope you learned from your experience. Acceptance One of the things I have learned from couples who have healthy relationships, is to accept your partner, as they are, not as you wish them to be. This sounds rather obvious.
And it is, in the beginning of the relationship, when we are tanked with hormones and on our best behavior. But over time, we get to see our partner in all their glory and it may not have been what we were expecting. This is when being able to fully accept your lover is essential. But you have to know that this is who they are. They are not you and for some people this can be upsetting.
I know, hard to believe, but it is amazing how many people come into my office wanting me to change their partner — make them understand how incorrect they are in their beliefs and actions. This is non-acceptance at its highest form. That is accepting yourself. For some of us this is harder than accepting our partner.
Self-acceptance, and I am not talking about narcissism, is the foundation for being able to relate to others in a healthy manner.
Self-acceptance allows us to state our wants, needs and desires knowing full well that our partner may or may not be willing or able to fulfill them. We understand the concepts of assertiveness, negotiation, compromise and love. Sometimes we even have to agree to disagree but that does not change our love for the other person. It is our differences that make for interesting conversations if we are not threatened by them.
It is our differences that increase our perspective of the world if we are willing to truly listen. It is our differences that make our partner unique and exciting.
Developing Acceptance Skills in a Relationship|index-art.info
Appreciation Once we have our head wrapped around acceptance, we can then move on to appreciation. Again, in the beginning of a relationship we appreciate everything about the other person. They seem perfect in our eyes and even those crazy things they do, well, that is just so cute, or goofy, or unique.
But after a few years of leaving the cap off the toothpaste, even after repeated requests to change this behavior, cute looks like deliberate pissing me off.
- The 3As In Relationship Success: Acceptance, Appreciation, Acknowledgement
- The Importance of Acceptance in a Relationship
One is time based. The other is focus. The time-based aspect is a paradox. You can become more exasperated over time with their behaviors or, you become accepting. Your acceptance may be due to the realization that things will never change and it ceases to be an issue true acceptance. It may occur because of perspective.