Love Means Taking Responsibility – David Bonifacio
What does it mean to take responsibility? abstract, undefined, feelings-based, and worthless kind of love is why relationships breakdown. When people do not take responsibility for their own feelings, they tend is a spark that exists in healthy relationships that is not easy to define. If you don't accept responsibility for your relationships, and you are unhappy in one or more, look to yourself first. It's very easy to blame someone else for your.
Armed with their role modeling and the years of my analysis, I got married to a man who had no better idea than I did of what constituted a healthy, loving relationship. After many years of learning and healing, and working with thousands of couples over the last 44 years, I now understand what a healthy relationship is and how to create it.
When people do not take responsibility for their own feelings, they tend to try making their partner responsible for their own happiness, emotional safety and self-worth. As adults, happiness, emotional safety and self-worth come from how we treat ourselves and others, rather than from how others treat us.
Therefore, if we are abandoning ourselves rather than loving and valuing ourselves, we will feel unhappy and emotionally unsafe, and have low self-worth.
If we then blame our partner for our feelings, we participate in creating an unhealthy relationship. The main thing that causes relationship problems is emotional self-abandonment, which generally occurs in four ways: Learning emotional responsibility is vital for creating a healthy relationship.
Kindness, Acceptance, Compassion and Empathy Relationships thrive when both partners are kind, accepting, compassionate and empathetic. This occurs naturally once you have learned to be kind, accepting and compassionate toward yourself, but it becomes a huge challenge when you are abandoning yourself.
Taking Responsibility in Your Relationship
Again, the ability to be kind with others is directly related to learning to be kind with oneself. Warmth, Affection, Connection, Laughter and Fun When people take loving care of themselves and take responsibility for making themselves happy, they generally want to share their happiness with loved ones.
When you learn to stay connected with yourself, you likely want to share your connection with loved ones. Warmth, affection, connection, laughter and fun flow easily when both partners have learned how to take responsibility for their own happiness. Enjoy Time Together and Time Apart In healthy relationships, partners thoroughly enjoy being together, but their well-being is not dependent on being with each other.
Emotional dependency is the opposite of emotional responsibility. While some people enjoy being together all the time, some partners also enjoy being with their own friends or pursuing separate interests, and in a healthy relationship, they are supported in doing this by their partner.
I was 4, miles away from this individual; how is it that she was hurting me? I suddenly saw my cell phone as a target that I wore over my heart and her texts as heat-seeking missiles. I recognized my own responsibility in how I was allowing this person to hurt me — not only by taking in the words she said, but also by allowing them to reach me at all.
When I blocked her phone so her words could not longer reach their target, it was a huge relief. I invite you to take a moment to look at the things that hurt you in your relationships and ask yourself a few questions: What is my responsibility in this situation either in its creation, how you received the pain, your response or participation in it?
Is there something in what the other person did or said that needs to be addressed, apologized for, explained, forgiven or understood?
Love means taking responsibility over the flourishing, including the satisfaction, of that which you love. What does it mean to take responsibility? I like to think of responsibility as having two important parts: Being responsible means we have the power and abilities to live in such a way that leads our lover towards flourishing, but this also comes with the accountability, meaning there are consequences for us, when we fail to do this, even if we failed because we were ignorant of our responsibility in the first place.
This is dangerous for both men and women, for both parents and kids, and for all our other relationships. When we forget that love means taking responsibility we start evaluating our situations based on feelings and will be unstable.
Let me put it simply, when you say you love your company, it means you have a responsibility to perform and make the performance of those around you better. When you say you love your spouse, you have a responsibility to make sure that spouse is better today than when you first committed to him or her.
When you say you love your kids, you have a responsibility to learn how to become a better parent, to master your issues, and to love your kids with wisdom. When you say you love the poor, you have a responsibility to improve their lives.
If you say you love your country, you have a responsibility to improve that country. A one-question diagnostic to ask yourself is this: Is this person closer to God, more fulfilled, wiser, more disciplined, and healthier because of me?
What are you looking for?
In other words, is this person better spirit, soul, and body? To love someone, to love a person, means taking on the responsibility of that person.
And what is a person? In a simple way, a person is a Spirit, Soul, and Body. This is the simple responsibility we all have: To improve the Spirit, Soul, and Body of those we love. This abstract, undefined, feelings-based, and worthless kind of love is why relationships breakdown. So many lovers are searching for who knows what. Any relationship with a person or persons like this will fail, even if they stay together.
- 7 Ingredients of a Healthy Relationship: Is Your Relationship Healthy?
- 5 Things a Man Needs to Do in a Successful Relationship
- Responsibility in Relationships: Stop Playing the Blame Game
Just like not getting fired from a job is no achievement. Staying in a failed relaionship is, in my opinion, not necessarily an achievment in itself if it does not achieve something greater. I have no responsibility to care and improve these things. I love my work. I love my Spirit, Soul, and Body.