How to Eliminate the Hidden Cause of Negative Thoughts
With practice, you can replace negative thinking patterns with thoughts that actually help you. And that can make a huge difference in your day-to-day happiness. My friend explained that she started to notice a pattern of when these negative thoughts would take over her brain. She noticed, she would. Use these anti-negativity thinking tips to get your mental house in order. "I expect there will be great bits, good bits, and not so good bits, like any relationship.
The 12 Worst Relationship Mindsets: Which Are YOU Guilty Of?
Be present and connect with yourself: Stop, breath, step back and become present. Take time to think, ask yourself why and what you are frustrated with. Ask yourself if you are responding from a place of love or fear. Ask yourself what it is you truly want. Write down the negative thoughts to release them.
How to Stop Negative Thinking in 7 Simple Steps
Once you become present, ask yourself if what you are thinking is actually true. Often times it is our perception to blame for our crazy negative thoughts.
Our perception can have a huge effect on how we think and behave. Find a way to think about the current situation from a place of love and confidence.
Let go, trust and communicate: Let go of the expectations you set for your partner and communicate.
Sometimes it's beneficial to give your partner the benefit of the doubt: Rather than look at an obstacle or a problem as "terrible," you might validate that it is difficult for both of you but that it is also an opportunity to learn new skills in communicating and interacting.
Problems can be learning experiences and can provide some new ways to grow. Emotional Reasoning You feel depressed and anxious, and you conclude that your emotions indicate that your marriage is a failure. Emotions are changeable and don't always tell you about how good things can be.
It's also important to ask yourself, "What are we doing when we feel better together? Negative Filter You focus on the few negative experiences in your relationship and fail to recognize or recall the positives. You probably bring up past history in a series of complaints that sounds like you're putting your partner on trial: You can also keep a list of positives about your partner to remind you to put the "negatives" in perspective. We all do dumb things at times, but it's useful to take off the negative filter and remind ourselves of the positives.
All-or-Nothing Thinking You describe your interactions as being all good or all bad without examining the possibility that some experiences with your partner are positive: For example, when Phyllis began looking for positives from Ralph, she realized that he was affectionate at times and that he was rewarding to her as well. The best way to test out your distorted and biased negative thinking is to look at the facts.
Maybe the facts aren't as terrible as they seem to be.
4 Tips to Stop Negative Thought Patterns in Relationships
Discounting the Positive You may recognize the positive things in your relationship but disregard them: In fact, if you start counting the positives rather than discounting them, they will no longer seem trivial to both of you. Vinnie was happy to learn that the very little things that he was doing, like complimenting Cynthia, made a big difference to her.
This in turn made him less critical. Sam mentally replayed the events of the night before, this time focusing on the way his feelings altered over the course of the evening. He recalled being excited and happy on his way to meet Sarah at the central park. In the restaurant he had felt relaxed and confident in her company, but when they got through the door of the flat something she said turned off all those positive feelings almost as if she had flicked a switch.
After that a wave of very different emotions had swept over him: Suddenly, Sam found he could recollect with great clarity what Sarah said that upset him so much: Glaring at her without blinking or breaking eye contact. Announcing that he wasn't sure he wanted to go out with her again anyway. Making several critical remarks about Sarah's behavior the day before. He was also able to recall several physiological responses that had taken place at the same time: His heart rate had accelerated.
He recalled a horrible knotted feeling in the pit of his stomach. He could remember clenching his fists and them feeling quite hot and sweaty when he did so. Jumping to the conclusion that Sarah was criticizing him, Sam felt wounded and reacted by striking back.
How Your Negative Thoughts Could Be Ruining Your Relationship
The anger that rushed through him was part of a natural defense mechanism as his body prepared itself for combat. It was becoming obvious that Sam was hypersensitive to criticism. But is this the only interpretation? After this realization, was it possible for him to respond differently?
He could stop interpreting everything other people said to him as a personal attack. And start building the habit of taking things with a pinch of salt.
Challenge his Automatic Negative Thoughts with balanced alternative thoughts. He could learn to modify his actions, lower his tone and make his body language less threatening. He could express his feelings with greater clarity at the time and resolve potential misunderstandings rather than avoiding his anger and letting it build towards an unwarranted explosion.
Acceptance The framework here is to experience and accept all the feelings — by opening up both the heart and mind so as to contain every emotion without being affected by it. Should is nothing but denial. I shouldn't take every criticism as a commentary on my competency. So the first step is to accept reality. Then ask if you have control over it. If you do, do something.
Attachment is nothing but mind's desperate attempt to hold onto something and refuse to let it go. Aversion is equally desperate effort to keep something away and refuse to let it come.