Communication in a new relationship

How Can We Communicate Better? |

communication in a new relationship

And how can you improve communication in a romantic relationship? Read on for a summary of some important models and theories in the. When you enter into your first ever real, long-term relationship, there's a huge learning curve. Even if you're totally smitten with your new partner. We've heard it from every relationship advice column ever: communication is key. But what does that even mean? It's like saying “be yourself”.

For years I thought I knew about good communication. I figured it boiled down to getting everything off your chest. And since I never shut up and would have heated emotional outbursts, I felt I was doing a fine job. After multiple failed relationships, lots of reading, and serious self-analysis, I began to understand the real components of effective communication.

Have regular bonding time.

17 Rules for Effective Communication in a Relationship

Take even 30 minutes a night where you two hang out, talk, and show affection. This closeness promotes honest, vulnerable conversations. Are you frustrated with something she did? Do you think she was being unfair? Did you tell her?

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If the answer is no, you have no right to be pissed off. Give her a chance to explain her side and apologize if necessary. Address your feelings as soon as possible. Set expectations early on. What do you want? Do you need alone time regularly? Do you want to see your friends weekly? Is consistent sex a priority?

Do you want to be monogamous? Convey as much as possible from the start through discussion and action. Encourage your partner to share their expectations as well. When receiving criticism, try not to take it personally. In a healthy relationship, your partner should be able to speak openly with you. Before hearing it as an assault, logically evaluate the situation. Is she caring and looking out for you?

Or is she actually attacking you? Tell her how you feel in a direct yet constructive way rather than just pointing a finger. Babe, could you keep your clothes off the floor?

Serious discussions should be in-person and private. Text, phone, or email are not the right mediums — too much is lost and misunderstood. Never go to bed angry. A gas station attendant who has been happily married for over 20 years told me this.

Ask how something makes her feel, what her interests are, what her fears are, what makes her passionate, and everything in between. The more you know about your partner, the easier it is to communicate efficiently with them. Maintain focus during disagreements.

Trust yourself, and trust her. Everything seems to be going well so far. Just keep going as if this was the one. Treat her with love and respect, and regard yourself, her and the relationship as if it's a long-term proposition.

If that turns out to be the case, you'll have done some great groundwork; if not, well, at least you weren't immature about it. It seems like things are progressing at a reasonable pace and I don't think there's any reason to push things to go faster. It doesn't sound like you necessarily are pushing, but it's not like you need to put the relationship into another gear or anything because it's serious.

If things are progressing well, let them keep progressing. For the conversation, I think you don't want to overwhelm her. To avoid this, perhaps you should just tell her how you're feeling as opposed to make her think that it's some declaration of true, deep, and abiding love that she needs to respond in kind to.

Maybe even just show her this thread? Barring that, something like: I've really had a great time with you this last month and a half. You're smart, funny, beautiful, caring, and I feel really lucky to have found you. I know we haven't talked much about past relationships, but most of mine have been pretty casual. This one feels much less casual and I like that a lot.

I just thought you should know. Something about how you feel as opposed to something where you put her on the spot about how she feels makes a "serious" conversation go down much easier. The next time you see her say something along the lines of "hey, I've been having a lot of fun recently.

communication in a new relationship

I like you a lot". Mean it, but don't overdo it, and don't follow up on it right away -- if she hasn't thought seriously about the relationship yet you want to give her time to process things.


Then, maybe the next time you see her, tell her again that you like her and say that you're wondering where she sees things going between the two of you.

If she deflects it back to you just tell her what you said above -- you're in no rush to settle down, but you like her enough that you think the two of you have some potential and you want to make sure she's on the same page. The way my relationships go if this conversation goes well then this is about the time you would agree to explicitly not be seeing other people. If she says she needs time to think about it act calm and confident.

Smile and tell her to take all the time she needs, even if you're feeling neurotic inside. What do you think? We met thru mutual friends like you and hit it off with a relaxed easy comfortable dating pattern all like you! All that's to say, that i think that what my boyfriend did was awesome and cute and comfortable and not overblown, and i think all boys should do what he did, if it feels right.

What he did was this: Like, is she happy NOW? Is she your girlfriend NOW? Those are the things to figure out! You can discuss how long she's going to be your girlfriend possibly forever! But before you've even established whether you're in an exclusive relationship seems premature.

Congrats on finding someone you feel this way about. Tell her how you feel in the present as Kololo saidbut give the future time to sort itself out.

communication in a new relationship

In other words, be honest and open but don't try to figure it all out right away. Oooh, nadawi is smart! This is so, so true. You shouldn't be all super intense and scary, and start knitting her unborn baby a sweater. But there's absolutely nothing wrong with saying "hey, I'm starting to really like you, and I wanted to have a conversation about where we are and where we are going. I'm definitely not saying that you are doing this wrong, but I've always had those conversations about at least in general terms dating histories fairly early.

Not at some granular level, where you know the names of each of her ex-boyfriends' cats, but in the more general sense of knowing that she was engaged once and broke it off, had some long term boyfriends, and then was single for a while until she met you, or whatever. If you are having trouble having those kinds of general conversations, I can see why you might be struggling to talk about your current situation. Seriously, these are not weird things to talk about, and when done well they build intimacy and trust.

I think it is very important to talk about these things in a relationship and by phrasing the question this way makes it casual, because it does not imply how you feel and it does not say you want to marry them.