I'm a Moroccan Woman Who Got Married to a White Man - That's Why I Get Hate Messages | Mvslim
I understand you are mostly moroccans here so you could help me in the During the trip we exchanged a few words i told him i was married, but i was not in reality, but .. I admit that my parents never wanted to meet him. Ever since I got married, I regularly get messages on social media and there are some that even bring up my parents during their rant. Surprisingly, Moroccan men don't get that much criticism for doing the same thing. . Meet The Fascinating Wakhi People, Living In Afghanistan's Most Isolated Corner. I recently met a very sweet and attractive Moroccan man on line, from Rabat. his family interacts with each other and how his father treats his mother. can meet and if all goes well, I would return within 3 months to marry.
The bride and groom go for a final outfit changing and come back for the wedding cake. The groom puts his suit back and the bride has a normal occidental white wedding dress or a white takshita. The bride and groom share a last dance, eat the cake and leave after that for the wedding night. There are beautiful places across Morocco that can hold a wedding.
Big rooms at seaside and luxurious hotel ballrooms that any of the Moroccans would find very modern and fancy. What to wear to a Moroccan Wedding In every wedding, the bride is the main focus of the day.
In Morocco, the bride is definitely the queen of the ceremony. The neggafa usually brings special wedding outfits 3 or 4 and sometimes more and helps accessorize the takshitas Moroccan dresses the bride has. The bride chooses the takshitas before the ceremony.
These dresses typically reflect the different regions of Morocco. They are multiple colors. The couch area that the bride and groom sit at during the party is also decorated and sometimes changed to reflect the brides clothing. The groom usually wears a suit. For those attending a Moroccan wedding as a guest you should really feel free to dress up to.
Moroccan wedding guest attire is also quite elaborate. Most female attendees also wear a takshita and men wear suits. The good news is that these dresses are available to rent from special dress shops across the country.
Dating in Morocco: Total Taboo or Totally Typical?
Moroccan Wedding Food Usually, Moroccan weddings menus are quite similar. When the bride and the groom make their entrance, the dinner follows right after. Some people serve two meat dishes like grilled chicken with saffron sauce and lamb tagine with prune and almonds, or one meat dish chicken or lamb and Seffa short noodles sweetened and served with cinnamon and grilled almonds.
At some weddings you might find a whole sheep mechoui style served at each table. The menu really can be decided by the couple. Families tend to spend quite a lot of money on the food for the event to make it really special. Dessert is usually simple and a big platter of seasonal fruit. There is also a wedding cake that marks the end of the party as the newly wed usually leave after that.
I give love, therefore I am. And yet there is a curious ambiguity inherent in the concept of female emancipation, as if the partners could be dissociated from the question, as if one could emancipate oneself alone! As if Arab man were not alienated by his own masculinity! In an argument similar to Bouhdiba's, she argues that gender politics are rooted in Islam and deeply revealing of the political issues facing North African society today: The conservative wave against women in the Muslim world, far from being a regressive trend, is on the contrary a defense mechanism against profound changes in both sex roles and the touchy subject of sexual identity.
Mernissi argues that, in contrast to Muslim praise of legitimate sexual pleasure, conjugal intimacy threatens the believer's single-minded devotion to God, and hence the loving couple is dangerous to religious society. Mernissi develops this argument from the concept of fitna or "chaos" lit. From the time of the Prophet on, Mernissi argues, males have felt the need to veil and seclude women and to surround sexual activity with rule in order to keep men safe from the seductive potential of women.
The emphasis on female sexuality as the force that drives erotic relations for both partners in heterosexual encounters accords well with our reading of the role of magic and possession in love affairs. The male is anxious about his powerful longings for physical intimacy and the loss of autonomy it implies, and he projects desire onto the female, casting her as the agent of unrestrainable lust. The Arab poetics of love: Layla and Majnun In an influential work on the origins of Western European romantic discourse, Rougement argued that the seminal tradition of courtly lyrical poetry in 12th century France owed its origins to the confluence of Persian Manicheanism and Middle Eastern Sufi rhetoric transmitted by Muslim Spain Rougement,pp.
Moroccan Weddings: What You Need to Know - MarocMama
These Eastern sources of romantic imagery and practice drew on Arabian models in the qasidas odes of Imru' al-Qays and other oral poets of the late pre-Islamic period Sells,and this native Arab romanticism is a well-spring of passionate language for modern society, with sources at least as deep as those of Western Europe.
The legend of Layla and Majnun probably has pre-Islamic roots. The earliest recorded version is that of Ibn Qutayba d. The early sources attribute to Majnun a variety of poetic fragments also credited to other poets, including all those that mention a female beloved named Layla from the Arabic l-y-l, night Khairallah,p.
Arab and Western scholars are divided on whether there was an actual Qays bin al-Mulawwah, of the Beni 'Amir tribe, who lived in the seventh Christian first Muslim century. In any case, the verses attributed to him passed from the oral tradition to a more or less stabile text when they were compiled a century later Khairallah,pp.
In later centuries the story of Majnun and Layla was adopted and expanded by the Persian sufi poets Jami and Nizami; and it has retained a fond place in the popular imagination of both Arab and non-Arab Muslims.
The modern Egyptian poet Ahmad Shawqi d. The story itself, as recounted by Ibn Qutayba, has two children, Qays and Layla, of neighboring clans, growing up together in the proud herding culture of Arabia.
The two meet as children and, each being perfect in beauty and grace, fall immediately in love: I fell in love with Layla when she was a heedless child, when no sign of her bosom has yet appeared to playmates.
Two children guarding the flocks. Would that we never had grown up, nor had the flocks grown old! Qays becomes as one possessed by jnun, the usually invisible beings who share the earth with humans, and he is thereafter known as "Majnun," possessed.
He tears off his clothes and lives alone in the desert with his poetry, and he will converse only with those who ask him of Layla.TELLING MY MUSLIM PARENTS I HAVE A BOYFRIEND...
You kept me close until you put a spell on me and with words that bring the mountain-goats down to the plains. When I had no way out, you shunned me, But you left what you left within my breast. Khairallah argues that in the Arabic tradition from which the Majnun corpus springs, "love and madness are pretexts for poetry"p.
Majnun's love-torment may therefore be seen as drawing on his poetic gift, since a talent for poetry is associated with a tendency to powerful cathartic emotion, and with possession by a creative daemon. Not only is the actual Layla of the legend portrayed as the natural stimulus for Majnun's passion, but her name is used in incantatory verses reminiscent of Sufi dikr, in which chanted repetitions of evocative syllables induced a meditative trance analogous to that of the Prophet Mohammed when he received each part of the Quran.
The powerful need to divulge the message received in poetic form through such cathartic experience has remained a feature of popular practice in many parts of the Arab world, and a recourse to poetry for expression of the strongest and most personal feelings is characteristic of many traditional Arab men and women cf. The love of Majnun for Layla is fated, inexorable, transforming, and undying, and it is compared to a magical spell under which he labors and by which he is inspired: She's Magic; yet for magic one finds a talisman, and I can never find someone to break her spell.
For the 13th century philosopher Ibn 'Arabi, as for other Sufi writers, Majnun's love is represented as ultimately transcending the real, physical Layla to attain a mystical union with her idealized form Khairallah,p. From the earliest of the verses ascribed to him, Khairallah argues, it is "difficult to draw a demarcation line in Majnun's poetry between the erotic and the mystical, or between the profane and the sacred" ibid, p.
For a thousand years this tragic love story has inspired Arabic-speakers, and millions can quote a stanza or two of Majnun's poetry, such as his reaction to finding himself one night at the camp of Layla's people: I pass by the house, the dwelling of Layla and I kiss this wall and that wall. It's not love of the dwelling that empassions my heart but of she who dwells in the dwelling.
The examples we present below of love and romantic longing come from a society geographically and temporally distant from the Arabia of Qays and Layla, but one in which romantic love is still extolled, and men are still possessed and obsessed as a consequence of passion. Zawiya, the community in which we have heard most of the examples of passion and obsessive love that follow, is an Arabic-speaking town of roughly in the Rharb, an agricultural region of northern Morocco.
We have been interested in Zawiya for over 25 years, and one or both of us has visited every year or two.
Romance in Morocco
In we spent a year in Zawiya as part of the Harvard Adolescence Project, conducting fieldwork on adolescence cf. We observed family dynamics and child-rearing practices and interviewed over young residents of Zawiya about a variety of topics, including love, marriage, and sexuality. Insusan returned and recorded open-ended interviews with twenty adolesents, and in she recorded young adults in Zawiya and in Rabat the Moroccan capital their beliefs and experiences concerning love and marriage.
Experience of the jnun, invisible beings with whom humans share the earth, is pervasive in Morocco. Capable of appearing in visible human form, she is the most commonly named of the jnun, who are most often referred to generically. She dwells near wells and water-courses and may appear either as a seductive and attractive woman or as a hideous hag. If the victim does not notice her cow or goat feet and plunge an iron knife into the ground, he will be struck mdrub and inhabited by her mskun.
He is then likely to become impotent or to lose interest in human women, and he may suffer a variety of physical or psychological effects unless and until his possession is brought under control by the intervention of one of the popular Moroccan curing groups.
Although there are many of these in all parts of Morocco, the Hamadsha cf. Members of the Hamadsha are found in most neighborhoods of northern Morocco. Sidi Ahmed was inspired to play the flute and drum of the Hamadsha, and women heard him and fell instantly in love.
The attitude of the Hamadsha toward Qandisha is ambivalent. On the one hand she is seen as the source of the suffering they and their clients experience and which draws them to the Hamadsha music and trance. Yet many of the terms used to refer to her connote respect or deference, and this does not in every case seem to be a mere attempt to evade her wrath.
Crapanzano notes that the language of possession offers the sufferer a collective symbolism for experiences of problems of sexuality, marriage, or family responsibility. An example of love-obsession Milder forms of suffering caused by failed or unrequited love are often attributed not to the jnun explicitly but to magical influence, as in a case recounted to Douglas in The young man described, N.
The first meeting with him occurred on one of the long night-time walks around Kabar, a small city near Zawiya, during the Ramadan fast--a time when many people stay awake much of the night after breaking the day-long fast with a heavy meal, and walk about town visiting with friends.
Hamid gave the following account of N. They were both elementary teachers in a nearby large city. He wanted to break the engagement, but he was both worried about the dowry money he would have to repay and afraid of the magic [suhur] he believed her family had put on him. He believed they put something in his food which caused him to be obsessed [tajj] with the girl. He also became impotent, and he found himself giving a lot of money to her family.
What money he had left he was increasingly spending for wine to try to forget her. The girl's family were apparently pressing him to turn over his entire salary to them. He told his father about this, who took him to a fqi--a man with Quranic and practical religious training.
The latter examined his hand [muhalla] and wrote something there as a means of telling the subject's current situation and future, said N. Like other accounts of which we heard concerning infatuation, there is an assumption here that the feelings of love are overwhelming and pathological, and that they imply supernatural influence.
Blame for the male's inability to deal with his love reasonably, or to put it aside, is laid on the female beloved and her family.
A few days later, Hamid and Douglas met N. Hamid assumed, however, that N. The following week, near the end of Ramadan Douglas had occasion to talk with N. The male finds a young woman toward whom he is powerfully drawn sexually and emotionally, but either there are powerful obstacles--often in the form of family opposition or limited economic resources--in the way of a marriage.
Gradually the man grows suspicious or hostile toward the woman, and he begins to expect or experience physical and emotional symptoms he attributes to magical influence. Moroccan popular culture is permeated with the concepts of magical influence and poisoning, although suspected instances are treated with circumspection by the concerned parties out of fear of the uncanny. Romance, love, and marriage in Morocco Many changes are occurring in Morocco today.
While the population was mainly rural in the s, it is now about equally rural and urban. Public education barely existed before Morocco became independent from France inwhile today all children should attend at least primary school. Although this goal is still being pursued in remote rural areas, in cities nearly all children attend.
Many young people attend high school, while few parents did; in the mixed classes, young people have a chance to meet. Marriages in earlier generations were mainly alliances arranged between families, to which the young people were supposed to agree. Today many of the young, especially males, select a potential mate and request their parents' approval.
Girls too may have someone in mind, but it is not culturally acceptable for them to make such suggestions. These trends were apparent in the semi-rural town of Zawiya, where we carried out research on adolescence in Davis and Davis Older youth, and those with more years of education, were more likely to want to make the choice themselves.
Among a smaller number of their older siblings, about half chose their own spouse, but only one fourth of the adolescents said they wanted to do so This conversation grew out of Hamid's recounting of the story of A.
He had married a beautiful local young woman who had been previously married off by her family to an older Moroccan man in France. The first husband divorced her a year later, when she hadn't produced a child. She became pregnant by A. After the marriage, A. He still loved the wife, who bore his child after they separated. Hamid and Douglas found A.
He was fond of Elvis Presley's song, "Buttercup," with its vivid imagery of the palpitations of passion: When I'm near the girl that I love the best My heart beats so it scares me to death. I'm proud to say that she's my buttercup I'm in love, I'm all shook up. The Arabic song to which A. It's refrain, a drawn-out "You have no thought [of me],"ma'andikshshifikara, seemed to A.
A few months later, A. Zawiya attitudes toward marriage To better understand young people's feelings on who should choose a spouse, we devised a marriage dilemma that we discussed late in with twelve young women and three young men who were especially comfortable talking to us. We said there was a couple who loved each other and wanted to get married, but the parents were opposed.
We had to stress that they were really in love, because there is an expectation that a young man may declare his love just to convince a girl to spend time with him; this is a semi-rural setting where dating is disapproved. Only one young man, aged 18 and in high school, said that the couple's wishes were clearly more important than those of the parents. If that boy gets married to the girl he likes, they will certainly live happily.
Because money is not happiness; happiness is something the heart feels. The boy must have the feeling that the girl likes him. This is why I say that if the boy is hooked on a girl and he truly loves her, he should go and propose to marry her no matter what she's like.
It is not the father who should choose for the son a girl he doesn't like.
It is the son who should decide what he likes. It is not the father who is getting married. A more typical response was that of a young woman of nineteen who had attended primary school. She should follow her parents' decision. If she goes against their wishes it will be her own reponsibility.
Allow me to add a few comments of my own. Allah has created us in different cultures, races and tribes so that we may know each other not that we may despise one another. Parents should therefore consider character above all else in the choice of a potential spouse for their children! Allah says in the Holy Quran; O mankind! We created you from a single pair of a male and a female, and made you into nations and tribes, that ye may know each other not that ye may despise each other.
Verily the most honoured of you in the sight of Allah is the one who is the most righteous of you. And Allah has full knowledge and is well acquainted with all things.
We aught to fear Allah! We have to fear Allah! There is no God except Allah if we are indeed believers! Therefore fear not men, but fear Me Allahand sell not My ayats for a miserable price. If any do fail to judge by the light of what Allah hath revealed Quranthey are no better than Unbelievers.
What do we expect to gain from it? I am now going through the same. I think it would be easier for me if she is against me. For four months now I am broken.
“I Can’t Accept a Moroccan Girl Marrying My Son” – An Open Letter to My (Non) Future Mother-In-Law
Four months of crying and sorrows are behind me. The ONE who fits perfect to you. The one who lets you forget about all those bad things in life. The one who gave you so much strength. My only hope is by allah. The only thing I can say is: