Karl | The Legacy Project
A newly launched website, the Legacy Project, seeks to capture and disseminate "One of the strongest lessons from the elders is this principle for dealing People in their 70s and beyond can teach us how to meet major. The life wisdom of elders in the Marriage Advice Project is a precious resource. For this reason, we invite these sages to be videotaped so. Cornell Professor Karl Pillemer, founder of The Legacy Project: Lessons for To meet the elders and to browse more lessons, visit The Legacy.
In couples where this allegiance did not happen, marital problems swiftly followed. Oh yeah, his mother. A lot of conflict.
The Legacy Project | Lessons for Living from the Wisest Americans
I could live with that, but my husband never stuck up for me, so we fought about it. To do otherwise is to undermine the trust that is the underpinning of your marriage. Remind yourself why you are doing it.
This tip from the elders is one that many have used like a mantra in difficult in-law situations. You are used to putting up with your own relatives and you have accommodated to their quirks and foibles. But now you have to do it all over again. Most important, by staying on good terms with his or her relatives, you are honoring and promoting your relationship in one of the best ways possible. Gwen, 94 and married 67 years, puts it clearly: You may not like your mother-in-law or your father-in-law or your in-laws very much but you certainly can love them and stay close to them.
I learned to love them. Eliminate politics from discussion.
Keep political arguments out of in-law relations. It can be the biggest bomb in the minefield, and the elders say that these conflicts are unnecessary.
There is simply no need to attempt to engage your in-laws in political debates or to convert them. I heard many accounts of holiday dinners and family gatherings disrupted by debates over the President, the Congress, abortion, the death penalty, and on and on.
But you can make it a rule to take noisy and unnecessary political debates off the table. A new life lesson is posted daily, with plans for audio and video content to enhance the site soon. Reading all this advice has changed Pillemer's life, he says.
I have two adult daughters, and I really took that advice to heart and became much more careful to offer advice only when asked.
Words from the wise: Legacy Project collects senior wisdom | Cornell Chronicle
The elders give that kind of clear advice that all of us can use in everyday life. Don't worry so much; elders say they deeply regret time spent needlessly worrying.
Marry someone a lot like you, who has similar values. Avoid showing favoritism to children. And get on the road: Not having traveled enough is a source of regret for many seniors.
Pillemer says the elders he interviewed "have a unique ability to advise us. We've gotten used to motivational speakers and pop psychologists instead of individuals who are right next door or in our families. People in their 70s and beyond can teach us how to meet major challenges in life and to learn to focus more on small-scale, day-to-day happiness.
People into their 90s told us they feel a kind of freedom they've never felt before; they can live as they want to; they have less responsibility and are less concerned with what people think.