Narcissistic Behavior 4: Blowing Hot and Cold – Addicted to Love and Drama
If you've ever been in an unavailable relationship, you're likely as familiar with blowing hot and cold as you are with your own reflection. Conventional dating advice highlights playing "hot and cold" as an place where I personally learned about the man who “blows hot and cold. Remember that the survival of your relationship is dependent on consistencies. Don't make the mistake of translating 'he blows hot and cold'.
Because the dating scene has become filled with men who look at dating and relationships as a game; a game of blowing hot and cold, to be precise. The blowing hot and cold psychology seems easy to detect when you are just a bystander. But when you are the one who is pulled into that emotional roller coaster, easy becomes difficult. Because no matter how evident the red flags may be, you are unable to see them clearly or you feel so much that you are willing to look past all the signs of danger around you.
Men who engage in the hot and cold dating game have established a well-known pattern of hot-cold-hot and because of it, you are able to foresee their next move. The pattern goes like this: Blowing hot He is the sweetest creature you have ever met. He is all over you. His texts are regular and he never misses out on a chance to send you a kiss goodnight. He sweeps you off of your feet on the first date.
He seems kind and interested in everything you have to say.
Why Men Go Hot and Cold & 5 Things You Need to Do…
He has a sense of mystery attached to him that makes you want to get to know him better. You believe that if there is a perfect man for you out there, you have finally found him.
Blowing cold All of a sudden, he pulls away, he is indifferent and his communication skills are minimal. And here you are, staring at the last text he completely ignored. He disappeared from the face of the earth and there is no way you can reach him. You then finally make your peace that everything ended and that there is nothing you can do about it.
Blowing hot again Then out of the blue, here he is again. He reappears and wants to come back into your life. He acts like nothing happened and continues to behave like everything is great between the two of you. If you play along, he will continue to text and ask you out when it best suits him.
Why Men Go Hot and Cold & 5 Things You Need to Do
Whatever you choose to do, he will return to his cold mode again. So you see, the blowing hot and cold pattern is highly predictable but the thing is, once you cross paths with someone who is an expert at this dating game, you will be hooked at stage one blowinghot.
He will awake feelings in you that are so strong that you will find yourself going against your better judgment. The thing you have to realize is that he knows exactly what he is doing and that stage one is the most important one. He is love bombing you to keep you hooked. When a man engages in love bombing, he is openly showing his infatuation with you, he makes an actual effort to keep you happy and he uses any means necessary.
It can be something as simple as sending good morning and goodnight texts, sweet, flattering words, paying attention to the little things, or love paragraphs glued to your mirror or stuck in your car window. The point is, he will go above and beyond to make you happy and make you fall for him hard.
So hard you will be able to forgive the freezing cold period. This is where YOU come in, and where what you do as a woman, in your relationship with him or any future man for that matter is absolutely crucial. Not all men are commitment ready. Take this quiz and see if your man is commitment friendly and commitment ready. So the longer you go without understanding men and not knowing how to deal with him pulling away after coming on so strong — the more of your own time you waste, and the more pain you experience in your relationships.
Many men have commitment resistance, but if you know how to overcome it — it never needs to happen again in your relationship. See, for you as a woman, attachment will often feel completely natural. You want to go further, take things further, get a man to open up, and maybe create a future together. Men want this, too. However, men work differently to women. So they need to feel a different thing to what you feel in order to want to be with you all the time, and be deeply committed to you.
They take a slightly different path to you as a woman. Before he will be willing to step up to the plate and continue with the deep connection you had in the beginning, he needs to feel like a man with you. Remember the research I talked about above? About how when a man falls in love, his testosterone levels actually lower?
Yes, being with a feminine woman CAN make a man feel like a man, and naturally would, but talking with you, having intimate conversations with you, engaging in loving exchanges with you over and over for a long time can feel like suffocation to a man.
And the same with you. It feels like crap. This is why women go spend thousands and thousands of dollars on things that will enhance their looks — because inside, they want to feel radiant, they want to be noticed, and appreciated, and they want their beauty to be appreciated.
The same goes for men — men will do crazy things to just feel like a man. Get addicted to golf. Go to war for seemingly unwarranted reasons at least to a woman anyway. Not call for several days. My point is that if your man is pulling away from the relationship, he is pulling away so that he can feel like a man.
Relationships: Hot and Cold Relationships
What he does may be selfish, it may hurt you like hell, and you may not LIKE it — but at the bottom of it all, he wants to feel like a man. All the better if YOU happen to be that feminine woman who makes him feel like a man. Click here to find out right now… What to do if he has come on strong and is now going hot and cold: So if right now your man seems to be running hot and cold and pulling away, and you feel scared, taken for granted or confused, here is an action step you can take: Men have evolved over millions of years to be HUNTERS — to bring home food, to kill beasts, and to work in a group with their comrades to achieve a result — ie: Men are not originally made to be in a long-term relationship with you we were made to procreate, have sex and pass our genes in to tomorrow.
But of course, humans have evolved far more than other mammals, so we are now capable of having long-term relationships. Of course he can. He needs it to re-charge and to feel like a man again. Give him the space and time he needs. This is going to begin the process of getting him to associate you with the feeling of being able to be feel like a man. Do it right now. Get out a piece of paper and write down every single thing you are afraid of.
Are you afraid of not being good enough for him?
Seduction in Every Day Life: When your Date Plays “Hot and Cold”
Are you afraid he is going to go back to his ex? Write down everything you fear write each fear beneath the other so you have space for the next part of the exercise. Now, next to each fear you have listed — write down a new meaning for that fear.